I am like my cluttered linen closet. This is the analogy I came up with for myself at therapy on Thursday. I'm all put together on the outside (when the closet door is closed no one knows the chaos lurking within), however open me up and you'll find a complete clutter of covers and towels and dust clothes and sheets. Oh my! Louise also helped me realize that part of this Jenny, the Linen Closet, decluttering process includes the cleaning up of excess should [replace with a four-letter sh-word]. I should all over the place! I can't sit down and read a book for a few minutes, I should do the dishes....how dare I contemplate a nap when we've got laundry up the wa-hoo; the boys are both napping, I should make the most of this time! I'm full of bull-should. I have the idea that fun or a break from work must be earned, and that I've got to get through my list -- my never-ending list -- before I can do something for myself. Apparently somewhere deep within me there is this philosophy that a cluttered house = a cluttered soul. Hmm! Interesting stuff. Louise asked how I would feel if, after dinner, instead of going straight to the dishes, I sat and had a cup of tea (knowing all the while the dishes were waiting for me). "Sit and enjoy the tea. Don't do anything else...no list-making or guilt-feeling, just be by yourself with your tea." Nice thought. Although realistically? I would have the tea, I really would...while I did the dishes, talked on the phone, had Zachary on my hip, and put Matthew in time-out. Well, no wonder the poor kiddo is getting time-outs, he's doing whatever it takes to my attention. And my attention is constantly divided a bunch of different ways, so it's no surprise that I don't feel whole and that I'm always tired. The lesson (and it's a work in progress, believe me): is to embrace the present. Attempt to be solely focused on the task at hand and enjoy it. There is the belief that spiritual and personal growth come from the ability to live in the moment. Don't put things off and be only focused on the future, and don't constantly dwell in the past. Carpe diem, baby!

And speaking of baby: Zachary had his nine month check-up on Thursday. He is 29 1/2 inches long (that's 90th percentile for height) and weights 16 lbs. 14oz. (that's 5th percentile)!! The boy is TALL and SKINNY. So much so, that Dr. Benda wants me to seriously fatten this kid up. She even suggested adding melted butter to his food! Before we start feeding him daily Big Mac's, we'll push the healthy fats -- yogurt, avocado, cheese, etc. Zach is still not quite sure what to think of all these new and exciting foods, but he'll take to 'em like a champ eventually. Part of the problem is that the kid is in non-stop motion, he's burning every calorie he consumes. And since he's so tall, he's wearing size 18 month clothes, but so skinny, that he has literally jumped right out of his pants! (Must be in the genes...or the jeans...yuckyuckyuck).

The battle of the boys continues. The more mobile Zachary gets, the more territorial Matthew gets. Matthew doesn't want Zach to play with his stuff, but then is constantly harassing Zach and wanting to play with him. Just yesterday I had to say the following things, "NO! Matthew, do NOT flip Zachary over the elmo sofa." (Doh! Too late. Zach did a head first somersault off of it). And "Matthew! Don't put your brother in the laundry basket." I do have a feeling though that Mr. Rough-and-Tumble-Move-it-and-Shake-it-Non-Stop-Enery-Baby ZJ will get his sweet revenge on big brother. At nine months, he already does a pretty decent job of holding his own. It's only a matter of time 'til Matthew is the one covered in brotherly-afflicted bruises.