I’ve got myself a sleek new shnazzy laptop. Name yet to be determined. This laptop arrived in the nick of time – for my week of being an absolute couch potato. After last week’s insane yard working extravaganza, this week was pretty much the complete opposite. My butt barely left the sofa. I’ve had the nastiest cold that was accompanied by the most annoying hacking cough that ya ever did hear. Really. So annoying. One night I was hacking so much at 3am, I woke Kayliana up. She told Mike, in a very concerned voice, “Mommy’s coughing.” Yes, yes she is.
This week, Matthew lost his, I don’t know, 50th tooth (our boys are freakishly ahead of losing teeth – they’re very advanced. I should brag about how amazing they are and so above average in this way. It’s a gift). He left a note for the tooth fairy that said, “Dear Tooth Fairy, Insted of money, please give me the Lego Star Wars Commander Rex. Love, Matthew P.S. What do you look like.”
So, here’s what I don’t like: stinkin’ overachieving parents. Yes, you know who you are. You’re the ones that do not just one but ALL the over-the-top mom-of-the-year ideas that you find on Pinterest. You make the rest of us look really bad. And I don’t appreciate it. How dare you! My parenting plan is to set the bar so low, to keep my childrens’ expectations in the pits so that when I do anything above and beyond the call of duty (for example feeding or bathing them) that they are pleasantly surprised and touched with my level of love and commitment to their well-being.
With the boys being in school for a few years now, they come home with more and more of these elaborate dreams based on what other kids tell them. “Oh, the Tooth Fairy left me $20.” (Suddenly those two shiney quarters next to Matthew’s alarm clock lose their luster). “Oh, the Tooth Fairy brought me a brand new Lego set.” (Matthew starts wondering what he ever did to the Tooth Fairy). “Oh, the Tooth Fairy brought me a Ferarri convertible.” (Matthew probably starts considering moving in with another family to see if this improves his standing with the Tooth Fairy).
Well, I have news for you, over-achieving parents: I don’t appreciate you and you smell bad. You stink!
Matthew came down the next morning with shoulders slumped and bottom lip protruding.
“What’s up, kiddo?” (Knowing that I would just have to hear about how lame I am).