I had a revelation. And maybe it’s a little lame it took me this long to realize the specifics here. See, I’ve known for a while that I’m pregnant. (Woah, did I just cause a brief panic?! Meaning ADOPTION-pregnant, people, what did you think?!) So, through this pregnancy I’m able to run half-marathon(s), I can drink wine and girly froofy-drinks but no beer because I don’t like that anyway, and the beauty-beauty-best-part is that I don’t have to be lying in bed and/or locked in a hospital room for months. I can be up and about and living my (mostly, somewhat) normal, active life…except for these ‘bouts during the first trimester. See, this is what I realized: we’ve had three times now when we’ve waited to find out if a birth mom would pick us. The first two times, I was excited and definitely disappointed when it didn’t happen, but I wasn’t PRAYING that it would happen like this time ‘round. [Update: we’re still waiting for birth mom’s verdict. She requested more time because – uh, yeah! – it is KIND OF a big decision. She plans to decide by this Friday…as in three more days.]
The first trimester is often the hardest and most scary (unless you’re like me when you spend most of the 2nd-3rd trimester in bed trying to stop having the baby early…that’s fairly stressful and scary). So, for MOST women, the first trimester is a bit of a nervous time and typically you feel like crappola. You get nauseous (OK, don’t have that, but definitely do get the nervous-pit-in-the-stomach-slash-butterflies feeling). You don’t sleep well (check! CanNOT stop thinking about this and all the what-if’s which are constantly interrupted by my prayers of PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE PICK US. I’m tired). You have the deep, dark fear that since it’s so ‘early,’ there may be problems. You’re fearful that it might not work out and you don’t always tell everyone in the whole world that you’re expecting. (DEFINITELY scared it might not work out but DEFINITELY NEVER mastered the ability to keep pregnancy a secret until week 13).
So, what I SHOULD do is give myself a little bit of a break – take it easy keeping in mind that I’m on an emotional rollercoaster right now, and I have the right to be a little heapy-weepy, cranky and tired. (Sorry, Mike and the boys).
What I should NOT do is comfort myself with food and start gaining weight as if truly pregnant. (Not good). But, um, please excuse me while I DO help myself to an extra dose of morning antioxidants. (dark chocolate w/my coffee. That would be VERY good for both me and my family.)