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Sunday, January 03, 2010

I have no one to blame but myself…well, and my husband. We have had the laziest last two weeks ever. Very nice, mind you, but la-hay-zy! Our Christmas-New Years Staycation was a delightful success – in totally throwing off our sleep schedule. The boys even got used to staying up a little bit later (oh, 8:30!) and sleeping in ‘til…wait for this craziness 8AM!!

So, here we are, Sunday night, I’m tired from lots of late nights and fun, but I can’t for the life of me shut off my brain and fall asleep. I was in bed at 8:45, that’s how tired I am! And then I read a bit, and then I laid there. And laid there. Awake. Yup. Still awake. The alarm will go off at 5:27am (I have a ‘thing’ with setting my alarm for weird times…no 5:30 for me), and that’s coming awfully early. (Yes, it’s coming at 5:27, but that’s extra-awfully-early tomorrow). In my sleepless-frustration I finally decided: H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks with it! I’m not going to just lie here running laps in my head, when I could just get up and do something. And Blogging was what I chose to do.

Writing. It’s always on my New Year’s Resolution list. Must write. Must write more frequently. Tuesday mornings at 6am – Designated Blogging Day. Thursday mornings at 6am – Further Blogging or Other Writing Day. And here’s my question about Other Writing: where to go? I’m at a crossroads. It’s a dilemma; a conundrum; a befuddlement. I’m just not sure which Writing Path to take. See, I’ve nearly completed the second draft of my middle grade chapter novel. I mean, I’ve got a printed manuscript and everything. It’s so close I can taste it. (And yes, it does taste a bit like chicken but with a more pleasant consistency). But for some reason, I just haven’t felt motivated to finish that sucker. Which is suckery since I’m SO stinkin’ close to being completely, 100% done. So, there’s a part of me that won’t let myself get too deep into Other Writing because shouldn’t I just see things through? Shouldn’t I just finish what I started?! (When doing therapy for Post Partum Depression, Louise – my therapist – called this “SHOULDING all over yourself.” I LOVE that. Sadly, I’m quite a good shoulder).

Then, there’s this here Blog. This here Blog that is now 306 pages single-spaced. This Blog – that WAS my therapy while in the hospital on bed rest, while going through Post Partum Depression, while internally sorting through my life thus far; my existence; my essence – the Jenessence. And thanks to my Blog, I have slowly but surely started work on my memoir. (Which MUST – I repeat MUST – be said with a snooty accent because that’s just how it sounds. Who writes their stinkin’ memoir at the age of 29?! Someone awfully self-involved, that’s who!). But the clichĂ©: Write what you know obviously has some major hefty truth to it. And I like to think that I KNOW myself fairly well.

So, these are the things that I’m thinking about as I lie in bed scolding myself to fall asleep. COME ON. Shhh, brain. STOP THINKING. Go to SLEEP. Can you not shut off for two seconds?! You’re tired! I SWEAR you’re tired! GO. TO. SLEEP!!! Yeah, that doesn’t work. So, instead I come up with working titles for my memoir. Do I go with the Blog idea: Tales of a Terrorist Cervix and Beyond: a memoir or something a little more vague and mysterious? The Small Percentage: a memoir – which you’d have to read (or just know me well) to understand.

Ahh, these sleep-deprived musings seem to be getting me no where. Input? Anyone? It’s most welcome. But for now, I might as well go do something productive – like lie in bed and alphabetize my Costco list.

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