I can now report: No Montanian Baby for us! (Please see previous post if you’re utterly confusified). I got an email back from Montana Adoption Lady and she said in an ever-so-nice-Montanian-way that they only place Montanian babies with people who live in the grand state of Montana, so best of luck to us. Maybe we’ll move to Montana….nah. While I was anxious to hear what possibility lay within the Montana Baby Boundries, I must say that it was with the utmost relief that I read her email. See, while a baby girl any day now would be a wonderful blessing, and we will change some things to make it all work, I’m secretly hoping that it doesn’t happen until, mmmm, like mid-October. I’m more than happy to stick out the wait with Amara too.

See, we’re sort of partially in charge of the National Engaged Encounter Convention (400 people) that takes place in Seattle October 1-3rd, 2010. We also have an ocean camping trip planned for August. While these things would not be impossible with bebe, they’d certainly be way more challenging. And we’re quite new to Convention-Co-Chairing AND camping, so I kind of feel it’d be easier with one less person under our care. However, we did start the whole adoption process knowing: a.) it could take a while, b.) it could actually happen very quickly and therefore c.) we just gotta roll with it, baby. Watch us roll. See how good we are? Look at us! We’re rollers!

Another reason I’m SO NOT FEELING READY for a third offspring is because our eldest (6yr.old Matthew) has, well, how can I say this ever-so-lovingly? He really – especially lately, adjusting back to school after vacation – has the emotional fragility of an approaching puberty, pre-teen stricken, 11 year old girl. I say that with SO much love. And I know (I pray) that this over emotionalness this week WILL get better. It was the same way when kindergarten first started. He just needs to adjust (sleepwise, energy, etc.) back to the all-day school thing. His is a strange and magically-not-delicious combo of preteen drama mixed with toddler trauma. It takes skill. It’s one of a kind.

Par exemple: Yesterday after school, while getting snack for my dears, I’d tried so ever hard to be patient and accommodating. I know when Matthew first gets home from school, any little thing can set him off. So, I feel as though I’m tiptoeing around his emotions that lay exposed on the floor. After I poured milk into cups, Matthew made the request (politely so I honored it) for usage of their rocket-shaped cups complete with twisty straws. Well, who wouldn’t want to drink milk out of a cool cup like that? I handed them their rockets of milk only to have Matthew IMMEDIATELY start crying and screaming a tirade of bitter rocket cup envy and angst, “I DIDN’T WANT THE BLUE STRAW I WANTED THE ORANGE STRAW YOU KNEW I WANTED THE ORANGE STRAW HOW COME ZACH GOT THE ORANGE STRAW I NEVER GET WHAT I WANT EVER YOU’RE BREAKING MY HEART IT’S LIKE YOU DON’T EVEN LOVE ME I DON’T WANT THE BLUE STRAW I WANT THE ORANGE STRAW MY HEART IS SO BROKEN RIGHT NOW I’M SO UPSET I DON’T WANT THIS STRAW…” Yes, we’re talking about a normally quite rational six year old boy. Yes, this constant stream of anti-orange-straw campaigning continued for TWENTY, I repeat 20, 2-0, minutes. Yes, I eventually couldn’t take it anymore. I finally just walked Matthew – kicking and screaming the whole way (him, not me; my kicks and screams were mostly internal) to his room where he stayed (by his choice) for the next 45 minutes building Lego’s happily and quietly.

This is why I’m having all of those scared thoughts just like a pregnant lady. How on earth will I handle another child if I can’t handle the two we already have?! HOW will I handle a preteen girl when I can’t handle an emotional 6 year old boy?! (Granted, we won’t actually have a preteen for a while…but still! It’s scary!) How will I handle three kids with: planning a National EE Convention, going on camping trips, teaching music classes (300 kids next week!), writing, cooking healthy food, taking care of our house, reading, doing Yoga, going to the gym and running – (I’m going to do another Half Marathon in June!! My first one post-Zach…who is now 3 ½ )…How? How, pray-tell, how?! I’m just thinking that if things don’t settle down a wee bit, I, too, may have screaming fits when given the straw that is NOT of my liking.