It goes without saying that I’m a fan of food – chocolate most specifically, but all sweets in general. I like it. A year ago, it was my job to remain in bed and eat. I was perhaps one of the only bed rest moms to not complain about the twice-a-day chocolate protein calorie shakes (I thought they were quite tasty), and it certainly didn’t take much twisting (OK, it didn’t take ANY twisting) of my chubby arm to get me to eat any of the buffet of snacks provided by the nurses. So, yes, I’m a food fan, AND I have no will-power what-so-ever. So, why am I surprised that I’ve gained a few pounds? Easter, for me, proves to not only be a time of religious celebration but post-Easter-chocolate-sales celebration as well. I’m sorry, but chocolate? And chocolate ON SALE? And you expect me to say no?!?! Yeah right.

Also, to complicate issues, we were on an EE retreat this past weekend. When we call the engaged couples to go over a check-list with them of items to bring, we include the request for them to bring snacks or drinks to share with the group. I don’t know how long this has been a part of our program, but when Mike and I went on OUR EE weekend six years ago, we spent the entire time growing closer as a couple and eating…absolutely stuffing our faces.

This weekend, our retreat was held at a beautiful rural camp-like setting complete with farm animals below in the valley. Just like the cows, I grazed. I grazed ALL WEEKEND LONG. And what’s really sad, is I discretely manipulated the couples into bringing the foods that I wanted. When running through the check list, I’d say my spiel, “And we ask that, if you’re willing, you bring snacks or drinks to share with the group: like a six-pack of pop, some bottles of water, a bag of chips, brownies.” Yep, there it is: BROWNIES. After realizing, that I’d mentioned brownies to enough people, I figured I’d already gotten a taker; someone would take that suggestion and run with it. So, then to make up for it, I changed my spiel with the remaining couples, “…some bottles of water, six-pack of diet soda, maybe some fruit.” Yeah right. The damage had been done. The brownies showed up. I’d dug my own grave…too bad it’s now too small to fit in. That’s a bummer. Literally a BUMmer. Or in my case, more of a GUTter.

So, to counteract my foodly habits of late, I decided last night, it was time to get back into the Spin cycling class at the gym. Karin, the instructor, is so good – she’s like a little Drill Sergeant in spandex with a microphone attached to her head – people pay a buck in advance to reserve a bike in her class. Somehow, there was still room available. It was a sign! I had to get to the gym to get my name on the list so I could get my butt-kicked (and stomach-socked). I quickly whisked the boys out the door and we were on our way.

I told myself that I was not allowed to feel guilty for going to the gym. After a weekend away from Matthew, we’d spent all day doing really great quality activities together, and I figured I’d earned an hour of Me-Time. (Am I a terribly, selfish Mom?). Not to mention, the boys get to play at the Kids’ Club which has tons of toys, great movies, etc. (Read: Guilt. Guilt. Guilt.).

With bated breath, I approached the Spin class sign-up sheet. There was still room! I gleefully signed my name, looking forward to my hour of excruciating pain and what I like to call “fun torture.” I took the boys into the Kids’ Club. Matthew seemed excited to be there, it’d been a while since he’d played there, so he wasn’t opposed. Zachary, on the other hand? Not so much. Zach took one look at Julia and Shawna, the childcare attendants, and started to wail. Julia, calmly took him from me, and reassuringly said, “He’ll be fine in a couple minutes. Have a good class!” Right. OK. Not going to feel guilty. Not going to feel guilty. I’m not a terribly, self-absorbed mother, but I’m not going to feel guilty.

I looked down at Matthew who was starting to look a little distraught. “I don’t like it when Zachy’s sad,” he told me. “I know,” I said, “but I’m just going to do the quick [OK, hour-long] Spin class, and then we’ll pick up ‘Donalds on the way home for dinner tonight for a special treat.” (Read: Guilt. Guilt. Guilt). Yes, apparently I am that kind of mother. I spend the weekend away, and then try to make up for it in whatever way possible. (Read: Bribery to make up for my Guilt).

Matthew was happy then and Zach seemed to be settling down; Julia was doing a great job of distracting him with toys, so I quietly snuck out and headed to the locker room.

As I set up my bike in the Spin class, I was still amazed with my luck. It was just so meant to be that there had been an opening in class. I needed this hour of butt-kicking, nay gut-kicking, to get back on track with healthier habits. No guilt. No guilt. No guilt. Pretty soon, I was able to start peddling to the beat of my mantra. Thankfully, Karin cranked up the music and I no longer had to bike to my Mommy Shame.

Julia. Julia standing at the door to the Spin room. Julia gesturing for me. I’d gotten to bike for about…a minute. I’d maybe burned…mmm...ten calories. I left my water bottle and towel on the bike in wishful thinking: I’d get Zach settled back down and then I could slip right back into class, not giving up my bike and hardly breaking my cycling rhythm!

About five minutes later, I walked back into Spin…both boys in tow. Karin (into her mic) laughingly said, “Ahh, you’re getting the boot from the Kids’ Club, huh?” To which I replied, “Can’t I wear him [Zachary] in a backpack while I cycle? And do you have a tricycle for him [Matthew]?” Yes, I was joking (and the thought of a toddler-tricycle Spin class cracked me up on the inside), but it sure would’ve been nice to stay at class.

My boys helped. They made sure I didn’t feel any guilt about doing the class…since I didn’t get to do the class. I was a little disappointed, but after picking up our McDonald’s (for the record, I got a salad) and heading home, watching the boys play couldn’t help but lift the mood. And the dark chocolate M&M’s after dinner helped too. (I’m going to pay a buck to reserve a bike in Karin’s spin class for tonight when Mike can stay home with the boys. I gotta work those M&M’s off sometime).