Mike and I are WAY behind on writing up a Will. We should’ve done it yesterday or more like years ago. At any rate, we’ve set the goal to get it done in the next couple of months. So, now we get to think about all the fun stuff like, “When we die, who should get our ghetto-slipcovered ghetto sofa?” (You know it’s bad when the slipcover looks worse than the furniture underneath). We also need to figure out who we’d leave our two kiddos with. Any takers? They’re pretty great kids. That’s a really tough one because you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings (then again, we’d be dead so we wouldn’t really have to deal with it), but the guardians you choose may not be the guardians that other people think you should choose, etc. It’s tough. Anyway, we’ve been thinking about all of this inevitable stuff. As one radio DJ said (Kendra told us this at book club), It’s not IF we die, but WHEN we die. We’re all terminal. So true.
Perhaps you’ve already bought yours, but if not, here’s a sale tip for you: Costco sells coffins. I don’t know if they’re buy one, get one free or if you buy them in bulk like most Costco products. Maybe they come in a family four pack – stacked on top of each other all wrapped in plastic. (I’ve not actually done much research into the coffin-selling/purchasing market…yet). But I do believe that once you purchase your coffin, you have to store it yourself. You take it home with you. Now, where does one keep a coffin, prey-tell? Let’s say, you don’t have the room in your house for this large body-box to be hidden away. You could use it as a coffee table. A coffin table! (ba-dump-bump-CHHHH!). “Honey, why don’t you climb in and see if it’s comfortable enough for you?” Or “Hmmm, you look like you’ve put on some weight, we should see if you can still fit….wait! If I sit on it, I can get the lid closed.”
OK, who am I kidding? I couldn’t help but actually check these out online since I’m thinking about them. According to the Costco website, casket options come in, Wood, Copper, and 18 Gauge Steel. Steel! That must be if you’re pretty hard core about not letting your loved one, somehow escape. Nothing’s breaking in or out of that bad boy. I also don’t see a size specification any where. Is it “one size fits all?” It is nice that they come with a pillow for your neck support and head comfort., what a thoughtful touch.
Look, I know these thoughts may be morbid and not very respectful, but death is inevitable. You might as well make light of it, and it’s nice to know that when you’re ready, you can buy your coffin at Costco with your bulk toilet paper, frozen chicken patties, your dream TV, tube socks and even a diamond ring! That would be one heck of a receipt.
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On a COMPLETELY different topic all together: Zachary is a spirited little fellow; that’s just all there is to it. He gets so excited when I walk into his room in the morning that he jumps up and down in his crib. Sometimes he’ll drop to his knees and do some crawling laps before I lift him out. Then, when I do pick him up and am holding him, he bounces for a while and then slaps me in the face. Yes, you read that right: he shows his love, affection and excitement with a smack on the cheek. I’m trying to teach him that that’s not really a PC greeting for someone that you’re happy to see. (And really, you probably shouldn’t be in the habit of slapping someone on the face when you first greet them, even if you don’t like them much). So, I’ll take his hand (ideally pre-smack), and gently rub my cheek saying, “gentle, gentle” (yeah, it sounds weird, but these are the things “they” say to do). He usually thinks that this is so great, that he starts bouncing again and concludes with another smack.
Zachary – Mr. Mover and Shaker – is still anti-walking. He’ll walk ‘cruising’ along the furniture, but if we try to get him to walk holding our fingers, he’ll just gently lower himself to the ground and start crawling. And hot dang! He’s a fast crawler. No wonder he doesn’t want to waste time tottering about. He’s not going to walk on his own until he’s proficient enough to SPRINT.
We’re afraid. We’re very afraid.
As a Mother’s Day gift to me, our one-year-old figured out climbing. Oh joy. He can scurry up on to the furniture, no problem. He understand that moving toy boxes and whatever objects he can find, will allow him to better climb to his desired destination, up on to the coffee table, say. Since he's now a scaling master, we had to rearrange the furniture in the living room, so that he wouldn’t go head first over the back of the couch on to the fireplace hearth. And since we’ve got a split-level house with the standard railing above the stairs, we have very limited furniture arrangement options. There’s no way we can put any furniture by the railing or Zach will scale up and propel himself over.
Thinking that we’d finally come up with the safest option, we moved the furniture around and called it good. My mom watched in horror (and yes, shocked amusement), as Zachary proved his aptitude and dedication to outsmarting the system. “Ahhh, so you don’t want me going OVER the railing. How ‘bout I just squeeze and wiggle my skinny little self UNDER the railing. That way, I can dangle above the stairs and then make the six foot drop to the landing below. Mooo-ahhh, ahhh, ahhhhh!” Obviously my Mom stopped him before his plan came to fruition, but holy moly, we need to fatten this kid up fast. (That way he’ll just get wedged under the railing and not be able to move instead of dropping off the side of the cliff).
Matthew didn’t climb until he was about 2 ½ and then he/we had the communication skills to decide that it wasn’t a very good idea. For years, Mike has followed Matthew around (especially at the park) saying, “careful…ooh, careful.” So, Matthew is now our cautious and safe little boy. HE follows Zach around saying, “Careful, Zachy. Feet first down the stairs. You don’t want to fall. FEET first. Careful! Good job. Careful!” Zach just giggles at him, bounces and tries to slap him in the face.