Garage sales – I just don’t get them. You go see the Stuff that people are trying to get rid of. You buy their Stuff and add it to your Stuff. Then shortly there after you realize you have way too much Stuff, and so you have a garage sale to sell your Stuff and maybe some other peoples’ Stuff. My first major garage sale experience was a showcase of my garage sale INexperience – I had a sale here to sell some of our Stuff. And what did I do with the earnings from my garage sale? I drove around the block to another house having a garage sale and bought some of their Stuff.

My Stuff-selling experience taught me a bit about the art that is garage sale-ing. And look out! Those professional garage salers are intense! If your signs say “GARAGE SALE 9-4,” you better be ready for the early birds at 8:45. At our sale, I was swamped with people from shortly before 9 until 10 and then it was pretty slow-going from there on out. They show up with their map of garage sales carefully plotted out for the day. The G-salers bring their own food so they can eat in the car (no time to waste – there are bargains to be found, Stuff to be bought). Of course, the garage sale sellers are getting smarter – providing coolers of pop, ice cold lemonade, maybe even hot coffee, home baked goods or Girl Scout cookies (all for sale of course), to keep their potential buyers happy. Maybe if they’re on enough of a sugar high, they’ll be more likely to spend, spend, spend! Then, there are the really good salers (not to be confused with the sellers, mind you) who know to never give you your asking price. They’re ready to push your bartering skills to the test even as early as 9:15!

The neighborhood next to ours (where the big, nice, new houses are – you know, the ones with no weeds in their flowerbeds) was having a Garage Sale Day – the sign advertised “50+ homes with sales!” Oh, the joy. I was so excited about it (despite my inexperience and general lack of comprehension behind it all) that this morning on our run, I asked Andrea if we could route our jog through the streets of sales. That way, I could scout out in advance (at 7:30) where the best sales would be. Who was out setting up early? Who was really focused on the goal? Who would have the best Stuff? Who was most deserving of my $1.50 for a crappy old board game?

Around 9:45, I started to get antsy. “Come on people. Pull it together. Hustle, hustle. We gotta get there before all the good…Stuff…is gone!” We loaded the boys in the car – snacks packed, wallet stuffed with cash ready to buy Stuff. Off we went.

Our garage sale experience consisted of a few main themes:

- The parking and traffic: Apparently normal rules of the road and general safety do not apply on neighborhood-wide Garage Sales Saturdays. You park wherever the heck you want – especially if you can stay in your car to peruse the Stuff proudly displayed on the driveway…it doesn’t matter if you’re parked in the middle of the road. If you’re obtaining a good bargain on that dream Stuff that you want, other garage salers respect your need to ditch your car and run. It’s a rule.

- The anti-husband: Mike was bored and feeling car sick from all the stop and go, stop and go. He was definitely anti-Garage Sale-ing. I asked him, “Don’t you think it’s kind of fun to see other peoples’ Stuff?” His response was, “Uh…no…What do we need to buy anyway? Are you going to buy Stuff just ‘cuz it’s at a Garage Sale?” My answer: “Uh…no.”

- The cranky kids in the backseat: “Why do we keep stopping? Where are you going, Mommy?” Then after the concept of garage sales was explained it was, “Are you getting me a toy? Get me a toy! Did they have any toys at that one? How ‘bout you check the next house for a toy? Ooh, I think I see some toys…Why didn’t you get a toy?” We replied to this nicely in the beginning, “Yeah, if we see a really good toy, MAYBE we’ll get it.” Then our response was, “Matthew, we said MAYBE.” Eventually it turned into: “If we hear you ask for a toy one more time, you are SO not getting a toy.” Matthew’s response to this was: “Buuut I whhhaaaannnnaa tooooyeeee.”

Yeah, we were done – SO done – with our garage sale-ing. After maybe 15-20 houses in about an hour we’d gone through: two bags of crackers, a bag of sliced apple, one water bottle, a baby bottle dropped about three times (“Uh oh!” every time), about 72 phrases with the word “toy” and our patience….we’d gone through all of our patience. I did come home with a pretty and large $4.00 ceramic flower pot though. So, it was all worth it.

* * * * *

Zach – poor kiddo – has some kind of freaky viral infection and body rash all over his tummy, back and neck. He doesn’t have a fever but he doesn’t feel well. He’s a total crank-monster. No wonder he didn’t enjoy his first garage sale-ing experience. Next time. He’ll LOVE it next time.