Happy Easter!
Easter Sunday also happened to be mom’s birthday. Last year, we celebrated dad’s birthday on
Easter Sunday. I worried about how that
memory would affect us all – especially mom – but at least on the outside, it
seemed she had a really good day. I
think having her birthday with the busy distraction that Easter provided was
helpful.
(Post-church. Some of the Church-dressiness disappeared the second we walked in the door. Notice Kayliana was more than happy to stay in her dress and tights though!)
The kids Easter egg hunting. Chris and mom hid some in our yard for them.
A couple of weeks ago, we all (our fab five
plus mom and my brother Chris) went to the Port Ludlow beach house. I knew this would be bittersweet. And it was.
It’s just so stinking beautiful there.
For a while – despite a slightly chilly breeze – I sat on the deck and
just tried to soak in the view. One
thing I also did was take a ton of clippings from their beautiful blue
hydrangea bush. I studied up on how to
propagate the cuttings and I’m praying that it works. It would make me so happy to look out and see
some Port Ludlow beach house hydrangeas blooming all over my yard. (Plus they’re my very favorite plant. Ever).
We also go all sorts of Macgyver in figuring
out a way to cover dad’s vintage pick-up truck.
He just bought it last spring from the sister of a priest who had passed
away (and that we’d all known). Dad was
so ridiculously excited about that little, old pick-up truck. When I talked to him on the phone, he told
me, “We went to the estate sale that Fr. G’s sister had of his belongings. I bought myself a little souvenir.” When he told me this little souvenir was a
pick-up truck, I laughed so hard. The
boys also LOVED the thought of D-dad taking home…a truck. From day 1, Matthew apparently assumed that
the truck would be his someday.
Unfortunately, shortly before dad died, the
truck wouldn’t start. Hmmm, dead
battery? Weird coincidence? We’ve actually since learned it’s not just
the battery. But, because of where the
truck was sitting, the cab was just filling with rain water like crazy. We manually – Mom, Mike, Chris and I –
managed to turn it around so the slope would help it drain. The kids helped washed it – it was nearly
green with pollen – (and then had a great time sitting in it). Matthew was near tears when we told him that
we wouldn’t be keeping the truck. He
REALLY wants it. But there’s nowhere for
us to keep; no way for us to do all the maintenance it would require, etc. Anyway, after getting it turned around we also
found an enormous window in the shed to lay across the top of the bed and then
tarped it well (so water wouldn’t just puddle).
While we were there, Mom interviewed several
different yard maintenance people. She’s
going to need help – the place is on an acre with some more ‘natural’ woods,
some yard and some manicured flower beds.
It’s a lot of work. And holy
moly, dad loved it there. They –
especially he – spent months (nearly two years) fixing the place up (and there’s
still a few projects he didn’t get to it.
Darn it, dad).
The evening that we arrived, Chris and mom
had already spent a day there. Mom had
done yard work for hours that day and she said it was the first time that it
really hit her. They would spend a day
doing yard work and then sit on the deck and have a drink. She’d never get to do that with him ever
again.
When we got home from Port Ludlow, after a
few days away, I noticed with fresh eyes my sympathy card display. On a few different occasions, I’ve been about
to take them down and then stopped. I
just can’t yet. I’m sure there is some
serious Dr. Phil explination: would I feel guilty for taking them down? Is that
announcing to everyone, the world, MYSELF that I’m fine…I’ve grieved…and now I’m good?
Maybe just seeing them is a reminder for the rough moments that I do
have so much love and support. It’ll be
five months this coming Saturday since dad died. Maybe I’ll take them down…or wait until next
month.
1 comment:
I know what you mean. It took me a long time to take sympathy cards down, but one day I just couldn't look at them anymore. I ended up taking a night at home and putting together little scrapbooks of cards - not just the sympathy cards, but also cards I'd had piled in drawers. Kind of like this - http://theartofsimple.net/what-to-do-with-old-cards-and-letters/ - but I didn't have the little rings, so I used ribbon. Felt good to do something to honor them in a way.
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