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Thursday, April 08, 2010

Just when you think you’ve got it all figured out – the plan is set, the calendar is marked – everything changes! After months of internal debate, I’d finally made a decision. With a very conflicted heart I announced that I was done teaching my music classes at the Montessori School. I just taught my last class there a week ago. I’d been so on the fence about this for so long. It was a great gig! The school directors and staff were all wonderful to me. All I had to do was walk in and I was handed several classes of cute and entertaining preschoolers on a silver platter (it was a BIG platter). But it was just getting to be too much. I also had my classes at the library to consider. If I really felt that I needed to cut back on teaching – which I did – which place was more worth my time? And the library won out. Plus, I only had one more five week session left there which was manageable. Classes wouldn’t start until the end of April; I already had my lesson plans and songsheets ready to go. After the April-May library session, I’d be done with music classes for a while. Because of co-chairing the National EE Convention in October, I plan to not start teaching until AFTER that, and that’s IF we don’t have Baby Girl yet. (When Baby Girl gets here, then all teaching plans are set aside for…I don’t know how long…a GOOD, LONG while. This is definitely one of the beauties of owning my own business – being my own boss, making my own schedule. It’s great! And therefore, VERY hard to give up).

So, library classes – because of time and money – were the only ones left for the school year. I got an email from the head of the Children’s Dept. asking if I’d give her a call so we could talk about the upcoming class schedule. Thinking that we’d just be solidifying dates, I was FLOORED when she told me that – because of her broken foot, they’d had to hire extra people to cover her storytimes, etc. and after crunching numbers, she sadly discovered that they didn’t have the money to pay me for my last Spring session. “So sorry…and would you be willing to wait until the September session?” Um. OK. I explained that I actually wouldn’t be coming back in the Fall…until November at the earliest. I think we were both a little flabbergasted by the whole situation!

Alas, here we are. After months of debating which – if any – of my music classes I should give up I suddenly find myself without any (with the exception of the classes that I teach at Zach’s preschool two days a month…for which I volunteer most of my time). I can’t help but think that I brought this all upon myself…did I somehow break her foot?! This is actually an answer to prayers (not the broken foot…I did not pray for the librarian to break her foot). It’s a blessing in disguise (again, not the broken foot part).

On January 28th, I wrote a blog post on how I’m tired of being tired. I’m tired of being constantly overwhelmed. I’m tired of being told that I’m “the busiest person” that some people know…that something’s gotta give. Well, things gave. So, now I look – with a little trepidation but also joy – at my newly cleared calendar (still full of plenty of stuff, don’t get me wrong), but now open during the day on every Wednesday and Friday. Maybe I’ll have more time for my husband. For my kids. For writing. Reading. Getting to the gym. Running. Doing housework. Cooking. Laundry. Friends…um, or maybe for me. Maybe I shouldn’t try to already be filling the gaps. Maybe I shouldn’t be so quick and eager to add MORE to blank spaces on my calendar. Maybe I should just BE. Maybe I should do LESS.

Um, maybe I should learn how to do that.

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