Happy Blogging Day! Tuesdays, apparently, will have to be my official Update Blog Days as that's when I tend to have news.

Zachary is an enormous baby! Well, maybe enormous isn't the word quite yet, but he's doing very well! As of this morning, he weighs 6 pounds 2 oz! We've passed the six pound mark -- woohoo! He gained 8.5 ounces in seven days which is excellent. He's been eating well (obviously) and we've been able to nurse a couple of times a day though it's still a challenge. Dr. Benda, our pediatrician, was so great today. I really do love her and want an 'I heart my Pediatrician' bumper sticker. She's so down to earth, supportive, she's a runner, AND she frequents our grocery store, Blockbuster and Starbucks (she lives pretty near us, you see). For all of the above reasons, we really should be great friends. She was expressing today how impressed she is that I'm sticking with the whole difficult and frustrating not-quite-nursing, pumping, and bottle-feeding dance. I don't know why but having someone state that they really know how trying it is gave me permission to feel really frustrated by it. I just want to be able to nurse! Is that asking so much?! And now that I am nursing more (2-4 times a day), those feeds are sometimes the most frustrating. Zachary gets so sleepy that he usually doesn't do very much. So, I spend an hour trying to nurse (spending a lot of the time trying to wake him up), then since he didn't do much I still need to pump (an additional 10-15 minutes plus clean-up of supplies), and when that's all said and done he's usually ready to eat OR we need to really try to force him to eat, therefore getting a bottle ready and spending another 30ish minutes feeding and burping him, and then cleaning up. When all is said and done it can take an hour and a half and by the time you're done it's almost time to start up again. Now, yes, I am complaining, but all the while appreciating our baby and his health and the fact that I can nurse even a little bit, that I only have ONE infant, that I've had my Mom and many friends to help out, etc., etc. MEANWHILE I'm so focused on trying to get kid #2 (Zachary) to eat and pack on some pounds that kid #1 (Matthew) is REALLY trying to express his unhappiness, confusion and general toddlerness into the scene in a very toddler-meltdown-tantrumy kind of way. And THAT causes me guilt because I know he's just behaving that way to get our attention, and THAT makes me feel bad since I can't make up for all the attention that I couldn't give him when I was in the hospital and still haven't been able to -- and won't be able to -- make up for now that I'm home. Hmm. Am I going in circles here? Anyway, I know that providing Matthew with a sibling, a playmate, a buddy for life is a very good and healthy thing. I also know that his behavior is perfectly normal and it's way too early to ship him off to Juvie....these are just my thoughts for the day, you see. Scattered, yes, but honest and true. Watch for the book: "The thoughts of a sleep-deprived, bedrest recovering, maternity-clothes-are-too-big-but-regular-clothes are-too small-and-therefore-I-just-feel-fat, why-do-I-have-to-have-a-sore-throat Mother" coming soon to a bookstore near you.