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Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Call me selfish, ungrateful, demanding, greedy and/or self-indulgent – take your pick – but I kinda want a wedding do-over. And, I feel guilty about this. I really do. But is it really asking so much to get to have a wedding day devoid of “extra stress” – like the kind where one of you is so ill in the morning, you think you may have to cancel the whole thing and you end up spending your wedding night in the ER, cancelling your honeymoon, spending half of your three-week-old marriage in the hospital and then going through Chemo and Radiation as newlyweds. I want the kind of wedding stress that comes from getting a run in your nylons or breaking a nail. I would thoroughly and totally embrace that kind of wedding stress. Even the stress of the photographer showing up late or the reception hall not being 100% perfect sounds fantastic to me. Bring it on!

So for nearly nine years now, I’ve been a bit of a wedding prima donna – ok, A LOT of a wedding diva. I have no tolerance what-so-ever for people’s wedding whining and woes because – not that it’s a contest – but it just can’t really top mine. I’ve also been – and I’m embarrassed to admit this, but it probably comes as no surprise – bitter. BIT.TER. I didn’t want or need an over-the-top $10,000, $20,000, or $30,000+ wedding. We did everything as inexpensively as possible. Our wedding cost less than half of our new minivan! I didn’t demand much. Just like most girls I’d dreamt about my wedding all my life. Was it really asking so much to have a special day? A day without extra drama and heartache. A day where we could just focus on our love and our happiness and excitement to start our lives together.

Yes, thanks for asking, I would LOVE some cheese with my whine.

See, and this is where the whiney diva comes in, I DID have a special day. We did have a beautiful wedding and reception surrounded by loving family and friends and yet, weddings will forever be just a little hard for me. I’ll also think of ours as more stressful and bitter than sweet and special which breaks my heart. But it’s the truth. I can’t go to a wedding without feeling slightly jealous. And I certainly don’t wish the kind of stress that we experienced on anyone else. I don’t want to bring people down to this wedding pity party and I try not to.

With time it’s gotten better. We had three beautiful weddings to go to this year. Jason’s and Julia’s wedding in April was gorgeous. It was such a beautiful mass at the Cathedral followed by a smashing affair of a reception. And I can honestly say that theirs was the first wedding that was “easy” for me (OK, “easier”). I guess time helps to soften the blow. Each wedding we attend isn’t about us – it’s not about me – and I know that, I’ve always known that, and I’m thankful that with every year, they are becoming more comfortable for me. More sweet, less bitter.

Then, this past weekend, we had not one but TWO weddings to go to. We attended Mike & Catherine’s on Friday night and Ryan and April’s on Saturday night. (Ryan was one of our groomsmen! He’s been here since the beginning. We’ve gotten to know Mike and Catherine through church and helping them with marriage prep/pre-counseling). Again, I felt happy at both. And for this, I am SO thankful. Who wants to be the miserable curmudgeon who – fake-smiles – through the beautiful day all the while feeling the stab of 582 bitter-daggers twisting within? Not me. Another common denominator is that all three couples whose weddings we attended this year have provided us with something extra. We got to play a small – trivial – role in helping each couple arrive at the altar. I like to joke that “if it weren’t for us, this marriage wouldn’t have happened at all!” (I never claimed to be humble). At some point, during the last year we met with each couple for some one-on-one marriage prep stuff. And knowing the struggles of these couples – their trials and triumphs and how hard they’ve worked on their relationship – is such a blessing and makes their wedding day even more special to us personally.

The last thing that DEFINITELY helps with weddings is that we HAVE decided to do a bit of a wedding do-over. August 11th, 2011 will be our 10th wedding anniversary and – while ten years in the big picture isn’t THAT much – it’ll be a major accomplishment for us. We’ve been through A.LOT. in 10 years. Cancer, babies – preemie babies, boy baby that we thought would be girl baby, hospital bed rest, postpartum depression, therapy, adoption process, etc. So, because Mikey loves me so much and spoils me so much and knows how much it would mean (to BOTH of us), we will be having a Wedding Vows Renewal/Wedding Part Deux/”Wedding THE SEQUEL” on Friday, August 12th, 2011. That’s right, mark your calendars! (Unless I don’t know you, in which case you won’t be invited…sorry). This will be our way of celebrating (each other) and thanking everyone who has helped us get through our first ten years of marriage. And I’m sure it’ll help my wedding-bitterness…unless we spend wedding night do-over in the hospital also in which case we’ll just have another reason to do another big party…and another and another until I’m, you know, over it.

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