It's been a LONG time. I don't know if anyone even reads this anymore, but in case you're still out there -- thanks for visiting! We're doing...well. For a while there I really thought that things were getting easier, we were out of the foggy haze that is the first couple of months with a newborn, Matthew seemed to be settling down and adjusted to his baby brother, and I felt like we were starting to establish a bit of a routine. All of those things are true, but I guess I've also realized that it's OK to admit that I'm not doing as well as I'd like. We're thriving and surviving and all, but deep down I just don't feel like myself. I'm sure it's hormonal, blahblahblah, I even talked to the doctor about postpartum depression, but I really don't want to go on a brain chemical-altering drug that I'd have to be on for six months to a year and can cause 'suicidal thoughts' when coming off of it. I'm not suicidal now, so why would I sign myself up for the potential?! The thing that's reassuring -- and yet scary -- is that now that I'm talking to friends and family about my struggle and I'm hearing the same thing. Basically, "Yeah, life with two...especially in the beginning...it IS that hard." Not really what I want to hear. I was hoping that there would be a magic happy pill to make things easier, but I guess I'm out of luck. So, in the meantime, I'm trying to do the things that help me feel like ME; that bring me back to the Essence of Jenny, the 'Jenessence', if you will -- read, talk to friends and family, and exercise (even if it still isn't running), and drink a cup of coffee with a dark chocolate kiss every morning. Chocolate really can cure all ailments.